Rejection, we’ve all being there. And there’s no denying that it hurts. This rejection has been a fuel behind countless success stories not just with instances of romantic love but also for those who experience discrimination and injustice.
And from my experience, I have learned that adversity can be transformed into something beautiful, motivation, resilience and originality. Our stories and our struggles make us uniquely who we are, but too often out of shame or fear we silenced the very narrative that is the foundation of our strength.
Whether your relationship is awful, good or great, we never like endings. Especially we don’t like to lose things that are important to us and believe it or not relationships are the single most important thing to you and your life. It’s the source of all your best memories and source of all your worst memories.
When you are ninety-five or hundred years old and you look back over the course of your life, you are not going to think that I wish I had a better smartphone or I wish I had spent more time on the internet or work or sleeping. It’s not going to be any of those things. Rather it’s going to be ‘I wish I had spent more time with people I love’ because our relationships build us, define us, sustain us and they can break us too.
Any kind of relationship breakup can be very tough and research is pretty clear. It can be the cause of loneliness, depression, increased crime, drug use etc. A breakup can lead you to experience a loss of self, so when you lose a relationship, a part of who you are as a person goes with itself. But if you survive that experience you can actually learn something about yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Our greatest glory is not ‘never failing’, but rising up every time we fail.”
No one emerges from their life unscathed. We have to accept that breakups happen and relationships fail. But thankfully life happens on a continuum, there are good things and bad things.
But sometimes your relationship really isn’t perfect so breaking up can sometimes be good for you. Like you are free now, you don’t have another person to weigh you down with negativity, nagging or asking you to change how you look or how you act. And this experience of getting out of that relationship restores your heart. You are back to be the person that you know you can be.
Heartbreak has a lot to teach us and a lot more than love. Now, your break up can really serve you in a positive way by actually helping you to move forward in life so you are no longer that miserable, pathetic and needy person that you were when you ware in that bad relationship. Because let’s face it if you had a break up that didn’t happen by accident.
And if you get into the core of the situation you might realize that the actual reason is there are weaknesses inside of you that you need to resolve. And there’s learning that needs to happen and it’s a journey you need to go on.
If you ever been heartbroken you know that you can try and fill your day from morning till night with activities and people but the moment you have time to think again your brain will snap straight back to that person, that negative thought that memory that makes your heart ache. So, distraction alone isn’t a remedy for curing a heartache.
In any moment in my life where I’ve truly felt that sense of heartache over somebody, the thing that helped me the most is making progress on a particular project or a piece of work, a life goal or a cause that I am interested in promoting.
Here, I want to make that distinction between Distraction and Progress.
Distraction is a short-term solution to heartbreak like we eat or sleep too much thinking that will help to distract us from the person that we really care about. But these things don’t always represent progress. And if they only represent distraction then there will be a momentary relief from this person but that won’t be a long-term solution to moving on from that person. Progress on the other hand actually moves you past it.
If you are heartbroken right now, I want to encourage you to think of what important things you can work on and can invest in your life. And that will give you a sense of achievement and fulfilment. At the end of working hard on something important, you will feel confident. And when you feel confident you will feel ready to take on another part of life and you will be feeling life intensely.
Because when we work hard at something that’s important you are engaged in life. And suddenly it will feel like life matters and it feels like we are dedicating our time and our energy to something that is important. And that will make you feel alive again and give you a sense of possibility.